Client tales ...
How does someone right-handed left click?
Client: I don't understand why I'm being charged 10 hours for this, it seems like it should take about 1 or 2 hours, TOPS.
Me: Well, it may seem that way, but it was quite involved. The good news is it is set up now and you can manage it with the front end and you will never need to set it up again.
Client: I took a web design class once. I'm positive this would only take me 1 or 2 hours and I'm not even an expert.
I was asked to design some branding for a gambling lounge.
Client: We want it to have a strong Asian theme. Gold and dark red gradients. Dragons. I's going to be called the Dragon Lounge.
Me: Here is your identity and poster, let me know what your thoughts are and if there's anything else I can do.
Client: It's a bit Oriental, don't you think?
Me: Errrrr… Yes?
Me: Okay what colors would you like?
Me: Nothing specific or…?
Client: Yeah, pretty much every color except red. Red isn't very easy on the eyes.
Dear God, take down the site! Take it down! Hackers can sweep right in, right click, and look at our code!
Client: What should I do with this folder?
Me: It's unnecessary now you've copied it to your hard-drive, so you can just delete it.
Client: No, I don't want to delete it. I just want to get rid of it so it's not there and it doesn't take up space anywhere.
…I'll even pay you.
I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but we're paying you for your expertise. We shouldn't have to pay for ideas we don't want. We're hoping you'll send us a couple ideas every month, but don't bill us for it, because we probably won't use it.
The 'Paste from Word' button doesn't work. Do I need to copy from Word first?
I need a sexier, hipper grey.
"We don't like the picture of the guy wearing the tie because it looks like it's pointing to his crotch."
A client who rejected each and every tie picture afterwards for the same reason. It was for a tie advertisement.
(Our company works with thousands of vendors worldwide on time-tracking - the following request came in from one that has been using the system for about eight months)
The clock in and clock out shows in military time. The difference between the in/out is calculated in time based on 60 minutes per hour. We invoice our time using hours and minutes in military time, which, as I'm sure you know, is based on 100 minutes per hour. Can the website be changed so the clock in and clock out will be based on 100 minutes in an hour? There are many other companies that invoice using the same method that we do.
Client: The site isn't working right.
Me: That's strange.
I download a page and take a look at the code.
Me: It looks like a bunch of the code is missing. Did you have anyone modify the site?
Client: No, nothing like that.
Me: Well there are entire chunks of code missing that was there yesterday.
Client: Oh yeah, that was me, some of the code seemed unnecessary. Back to the issue at hand, why isn't the site working?