"How much space will a 487MB file take up?"
"The things that are crossed off. Does that mean they’re done?"
The client was referring to items under the heading “What’s Been Done.”
Client: I need you to make me an ad for my parent’s anniversary.
Me: No problem. What size?
Client: I don’t know. Whatever you want.
Me: Okay, do you have a picture?
Client: Not yet, I’m still deciding on one.
Me: What would you like the ad to say?
Client: I thought I’d leave that up to you.
Me: So, you want an ad, but don’t know the size, you don’t have the ad copy, and you don’t have a picture? I’d love to help, but why don’t you come see me when you have more info.
Client: That would leave it too late! I wanted to make sure you had plenty of time to work with it.
Me: Work with what…?
Client: I’ll fax you a copy of the cheque.
Me: Great. I’ll fax you a copy of the goods.
Client: It’s too green. Make it greener.
Me: What? But… I thought it was too green?
Client: Exactly. Adding a bit more should make it a bit blue. Or yellow. I’m not sure which…
"Looks great, but please change “attendees” to “attendees.”"
Client: Instead, I’d like you to put three images there.
Me: Okay, we’ll need to make them a little smaller to fit in the same space.
Client: No, no… I want them the same size as the current ones.
Me: OK, then we can expand the space where the images are being placed.
Client: No! I want the same space, but with three images of the same size as the current ones.
Me: Just go on to our website and select the “My Account” button.
Client: I don’t see it.
Me: It’s on the black banner, in the top right corner
Client: I’m looking, I don’t see it!
Me: Are you on our website?
Me: Can you please go to the website?
Client: No, I’m not at my computer.
As I do with all of my clients, I was upfront about my rates and that tasks and time outside of my initial estimate are charged at that same rate.
Client: Can you do this task for me?
Me: Sure, that’ll take about five hours.
Client: Great, go at it then.
Me: Here you are. It only took me three hours.
Client: That’s great, I have this other requirement, can you change that?
Me: Sure, that’ll take about two hours.
Client: Great, that works.
Me: Here you are, it only took me an hour and a half.
Client: Ah, we also need this other change…
Me: No problem, that should take another two hours.
Me: Here you are, took me two hours and thirty minutes.
Client: Great, that’s exactly what I need.
I send the client my invoice.
Client: Uh, I’m surprised by this invoice. It’s for seven hours. This is not what we agreed upon in the initial estimate.
Me: You asked for those additional changes…
Client: Yeah, but I can’t pay you that much. Can we maybe talk about your rates?
Me: Sorry, no, I stated my rates upfront and I don’t give discounts.
Client: You’re making this difficult for me. I’ll tell you what, I pay you 60%* of what you want to bill me and we call it quits, deal?
Me: No deal. You pay me for the time I worked at the rate I quoted. End of story.
Client: We’re at an impasse here…
Me: I’m sorry to have to decline further negotiations and work for you, other obligations from paying clients have popped up. Please pay the invoice at your convenience. Once it’s paid in full, I’ll send you the work I did for you.
Client: But I need this work, can’t you send it to me now?
Client: You have high rates, you know.
Client: I won’t pay you what you asked, this is outrageous.
Client: Please send me the work.
"If I pay you half that amount, can you complete it in half the time?"
"You can’t print double-sided transparencies?"
Client: Remind me to work on this stuff tomorrow.
Me: Hey, here’s your reminder. Let’s work on the stuff you mentioned yesterday
Client: Who are you to tell me what to do?
Me: You told me to remind you.
Client: Don’t tell me my business.
"All my competitors’ websites have their menus in the same place. Try to make my menu diagonal, starting from the top left of the screen and ending bottom right."
Client: I think it would save us both a lot of time and effort if I got the final files now and you just trusted me when I said the check for the full $500 was on its way.
Me: I quoted $1000.
Client: See, this is the sort of issue I didn’t want the project to get hung up on.
"Wait, why should I have to pay more to have you work a bit more?"
Client: With the new website and my marketing plan, we should be able to double our turnover.
Me: That’s great! Can you send me the marketing plan before I start on the website?
Client: Actually, I was hoping you could write that.