Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen, girl, I farted so hard yesterday, I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I'm still walking funny!
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overconfident guy: I know, I know. You say you have a 3.7 at NYU Law, and the panties just drop.
–Dorm, NYU Law
Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change?
–87th & Broadway
Livid man on cell: No! You can't have your underwear back!
Woman on cell: Okay, but this time please stay out of my underwear drawer.
A lady and her family are standing up in the train. It’s very crowded and her little boy isn’t holding onto anything. He keeps falling against her with his face right in her crotch as the train swerves. She says: That’s right, I’m gonna push you back up in there. Four years of nothing but trouble!
Guy yelling into cell: I’m an intelligent woman! So I think…
–59th St, Columbus Circle
College chick #1: Have you ever noticed it always gets dark really early during this time of year?
College chick #2: Yeah, I noticed it, too. But I was thinking that since it’s generally cloudier in autumn and winter that it really isn’t dark out earlier, it’s just really cloudy.
College chick #1: Wow, that makes so much sense!
Little girl: I don’t have a boyfriend right now. Sometimes it’s better not to be in a relationship.
–72nd St & York
Customer: Look, see, there’s two scratches right there.
Optician: Those two? OK, now you’re being picky.
Customer: Picky?! I’m sorry that I set my expectations above your ability to provide me with scratch-resistant lenses without scratches in them.
–Eyes on the Slope, Park Slope
Bus driver: Due to circumstances beyond our control, Vanderbilt will be the last stop on the bus.
Passengers: [Gasp] Oh, no!
Bus driver: And now that I know the PA system works, I was just joking. This bus will be going the full route. [A few minutes later] If you are with somebody, please have them sit on your lap. If not, introduce yourself.
–Crowded B38 bus
Girl #1: She's playing rugby?!
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess it's really intense.
Girl #1: I'm gonna play quidditch in college.
–W 62nd St & Central Park West
12-year-old boy, yelling at friend: No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's.
Girl: Promiscuity is turning out to be a lot more work than I thought it would be.
Homeless man yelling at passersby: Can any of you spare a nickel in the name of alcoholic beverages? Or maybe a loose woman or two?!
–7th & Ave A
Girl #1: Oh, my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]
Girl #1: Thanks for bringing me here. I love you. I am so glad I became a lesbian. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apartment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we going to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, baby.
–M&M Store, Times Square
Little old lady on park bench to another: Well, I've been stuffing my bra now, and now I can't find my money.
–Central Park West & 63rd St