watching Terminator II: The bad guy in this is so hot…
: Totally. In, like, a blond, blue-eyed, Nazi S-and-M porn kind of way.
: So hot…
's boyfriend: What the fuck is wrong with you two?!
Very pregnant woman: I don't want to have this baby. I don't want to have to work all of this weight off.
Man: I think I should keep you pregnant. This is the least worst you've ever looked.
Wichita Falls, Texas
Jiujitsu guy #1
, rolling around and trying to choke the other: Oh, your hair's soft today.
Jiujitsu guy #2
: Thanks, I used Herbal Essence this morning.
Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You're too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I'm not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn't think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It's a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain't a sure thing!!
: So how was work?
: I didn't go.
: Oh, take a day off, did you?
: Well, I went to Erin*'s house to see if she wanted to talk to my boss about getting a job but she was still asleep, and she looked cute, so I joined her.
: Good excuse.
Bayonne, New Jersey
: So, you heard who the new VP in my division is?
: Yeah. She's… a character, I'll say that.
: The Brits came to meet with her, and they left looking like… totally stunned.
: Yep, she's a force of nature, all right.
: I just can't believe they'd give her that job… That they want her dealing with all that political sensitivity when…
, interrupting: When she's a maniacal feral wild woman?
: And she openly admits that she doesn't think men should be in this division! She keeps making jokes about how we have no idea what the ladies want, and I'm like, how would she know either? She's not a lady, she's a monster!
: She's like a Hindu goddess of fire and destruction!
: Do you think I’m pretty?
: I’m sure you’re pretty on the inside.
Pretty tween girl, looking around on busy street: What's with all these ugly people taking up all the space?
Chick on cell: I’m doing my paper on child euthanasia… Yeah, they’d have to be terminally ill, not just ugly kids.
Girl on train: I usually do my arms, but then I look at Jane and her hairy arms and think, Man, if she can do it, I can, too!
Middle-aged woman, about teenager: She's so beautiful. She could be a model. (pause) I want to run her over with my car.
Woman, exiting coffee shop: He's, like, ten years old, but he's aged really well…
Woman on cell: I totally didn’t recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.
Fort Worth, Texas
20-ish girl: I mean, I thought he was rich, but his sister’s kind of ugly, so I dunno…
San Francisco, California
Crew member to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are nothing. I mean, yeah, they can have their feminine touches, but if you want real weird, you need Angela.
Friend: Angela? She sounds nice!
Crew member: She's head of security. She's two meters tall, and you need to take a step back before you can identify her as a woman.
Friend: Surely she's not that ugly?
Crew member: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!
Gent Jazz festival
Male teacher talking about student: Yeah, that ear infection made her go deaf. She wears one of those things in her head. The implant.
Meanest lady ever: Her life is over. You can't be deaf and ugly. That is too many things.
Male teacher: She's five!
Meanest lady ever: By six she'll barely be a person.
Old man on phone: I am a beautiful woman.