I have to leave the tap that delivers fresh, clean water to my house running for half a minute before it is at an optimal drinking temperature.
The lights in my bathroom are set to a light sensitive motion detector, but the timer is set too short so if I want to go for a shit I have to wave my arms around unless I want to be in the dark.
These bananas looked great at the supermarket, but when I got home I noticed some slight bruising on them.
This batch of Trader Joes' doughnut holes don't have as much powdered sugar on them as the last batch I bought.
I want to watch Hannibal (the series) while I eat dinner, but I have a steak and it just feels wrong.
My maid won't shut up, but I don't want to fire him because he makes my house immaculate.
Kittens have no idea it is after midnight on a very long day.
I can't be bothered to change a light bulb, so I have been sitting in darkness for a week.
There is an actual handicapped person in the public restroom so I can't use the deluxe-sized stall.
I had to order a large fries to get a small fries worth of long ones.
I bought underwear online and paid extra for next day shipping so I wouldn't have to do laundry. But that was on Saturday, and they don't ship on Sunday, so I had to do laundry anyways.
My packaged sandwich says "new and improved" but I never ate the old version so I can't appreciate how much better it is.
I had to use a manual toothbrush for the first time in years and now my arm is tired.
I farted so loud that the lights flickered, but then I realized it was just a coincidence as the air conditioner turned on.
The piece of toilet paper did not perfectly tear along the perforated line and now I have to use one-and-half sheets instead of two sheets.
I wish I had a blender to liquefy my fruit because chewing is so laborious.