Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

Dr. Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
Dr. Gregory House: And triteness kicks us in the nads.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

Dr. Gregory House: A patient comes because she's sleeping 16 hours a day, and it takes ten doctors and a coma to diagnose sleeping sickness.

Dr. Gregory House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.

Dr. Cuddy: House!
Dr. House: [Mimicking Scooby Doo] Ruh-roh.

Dr. Foreman: We could bolt her to the table.
Dr. House: Gruesome and low-tech; kiss me, I love it.

Dr. Weber: You can't test anything on an abnormal brain.
Dr. House: That's so close-minded. He's not "abnormal", he's special.

Dr. Cameron: Could pain medication cause an orgasm?
Dr. House: I wish.

Henry: We just happened to be at the same Italian cheese tasting... thing.
Dr. House: Cheese is the Devil's plaything.

Dr. Gregory House: Ah, the Socratic Method. The best way we have of teaching everything - apart from juggling chainsaws.

Dr. Gregory House: Well, there's the fever that Cameron was looking for.
Dr. Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an -itis. This must be the infection that set it off.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Except in this universe effect follows cause. I've complained about it, but...

Dr. Foreman: Are you saying there is a brain tumor that three ER doctors, two neurologists and a radiologist missed?
Dr House: Partridge in a pear tree missed it as well.

Dr. House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
Dr. House: So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!

Dr. Foreman: The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
Dr. House: That's the way calculus presents.

Dr. House: I assume 'minimal at best' is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell."
Dr. Chase: I'm Australian.
Dr. House: You put the Queen on your money; you're British.

Dr. Wilson: So your philosophy is, 'If they don't want treatment, they get it shoved down their throat, but if it might cure their paralysis, whoa, better slow down.'
Dr. House: Yeah. My old philosophy used to be 'Live and let live,' but I'm taking this needlepoint class and they gave us these really big pillows.

Pharmacist: Okay, pharmaceuticals were delivered this morning, but shipping accidentally sent the box with Vicodin to research.
Dr. House: Hmmm. That's a tough one. If only we had some way to communicate with another part of the building.
[He picks up the phone.]

Dr. House: Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritating recently.
Dr. Cameron: And?
Dr. House: I didn't know it was possible for a woman to be unusually irritable.

Dr. Gregory House: Oxygen is so important during those prepubescent years, don't you think?

Dr. Gregory House: Ah, a rash, call a dermatologist. If it's wet, keep it dry. If it's dry, keep it wet. If it's not supposed to be there, cut it off. I never could remember all that.

Dr. Gregory House: I take risks, sometimes patients die, but not taking risks causes more patients to die - so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.

Dr. Gregory House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?

Dr. Gregory House: You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.


"You know what's worse than useless? Useless and oblivious."


"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."


"What usually happens when you poke something with a stick? It pokes back."


"You see, kidneys don't wear watches. Sure, gallbladders do, but it doesn't matter, 'cause kidneys can't tell time."


"Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?"


"Welcome aboard the Good Ship Asskisser. Nice day for a sail. Pucker up, me hearties."


"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one."






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