Everyone should live to be 92 years old, have an orgasm and drop dead.
- Jon Carroll


Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
- Woody Allen


Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
- Rita Rudner


Don't have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
- Steve Martin


Of all the sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest.
- Anatole France


I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
- Johnny Carson


If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."
- Joe Bob Briggs


Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
- Woody Allen


The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.
- Alfred C. Kinsey


There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
- William Somerset Maugham


Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
- Oscar Wilde


Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
- Mark Twain


Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.
- Scott Roeben


A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.
- Victor Lownes


Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
- Fran Lebowitz


The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral.
- Aristippus


Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.
- Marlene Dietrich


For flavor, Instant Sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.
- Quentin Crisp


Sex is good. Everybody does it and everybody should.
- Robbie Williams


Masturbation is great. It keeps you out of stupid sex.
- Unknown


Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can't define, and it's that X ingredient between two people that make both a man and a woman good in bed. It's all relative. There are no rules.
- Marty Feldman


You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex.
- Mary McCarthy


The only reason my wife has an orgasm, is so she'll have something else to moan about.
- Bob Monkhouse


The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
- Woody Allen


Nine-tenths of the appeal of pornography is due to the indecent feelings concerning sex which moralists inculcate in the young; the other tenth is physiological, and will occur in one way or another whatever the state of the law may be.
- Bertrand Russell


Well, people get attached. Once you cut the umbilical cord they attached to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, masturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers.
- Charles Bukowski


Sex is not the enemy . . . I won't feel guilty no matter what they're telling me.
- Shirley Manson


Most of them lead lives of unquiet desperation, continually seeking, in sex they wish was love and in the love they suspect is only sex, a center for their worlds to turn on.
- David Dempsey


Laughter and orgasm are great bedfellows.
- John Callahan