60-something woman: So, you know Susan?
60-something friend: Oh gosh, yes! We've been to all her nude parties!

--Anna Maria Island, Florida



Teen girl: We don't eat souvlakis. My dad hates Mexican food.

--Brighton Beach, Australia



Ten year old boy, flipping over on towel: Man, I'm sweating like a fat chick!

--Hampton Beach, New Hampshire



Girl #1: I'm hungry, let's get crepes!
Girl #2: What's a crepe?
Girl #1, after pause: It's like a package made out of a pancake.

--Santa Barbara, California



Four-year-old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um...no, honey. Not here.

--Steamship Authority Martha's Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts



Dumb blonde: It's not "labia Menorah"?
Friend: No, that's the Jewish thing.
Dumb blonde: So what is it then?

--Siesta Key, Florida



Bikini #1: What ocean is this beach on? Is it sad that I don't even know?
Bikini #2: No, I dunno either. I'm bad at history.

--Palm Beach, Florida



Brother: I was talking to that couple from Montana, and they said they eat cattails.
Sister: I thought they were vegetarians.

--Puno, Peru



Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you're having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?

--Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida



Teen girl, looking at historic photos of fishermen: So like, what's a "circa"?
Teen boy: That's a kind of fish. (pointing to photo) See, that's a circa. So's that...

--Pier, Naples, Florida



Guy (sarcastically): You're like the smartest person I know. You're practically Einstein.
Girl: I... don't really get sex jokes.

--Bethany Beach



Teenage girl: Wait, so what time is midnight tonight?

--Punta Cana, Mexico



Redneck, looking at fish tank: How many of them there fish you reckon I could shoot?

--Ripley's Aquarium, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina




Obama Revises Campaign Promise Of 'Change' To 'Relatively Minor Readjustments In Certain Favorable Policy Areas'

WASHINGTON—In a slight shift from his campaign trail promise, President Obama announced Monday that his administration's message of "Change" has been modified to the somewhat more restrained slogan "Relatively Minor Readjustments in Certain Favorable Policy Areas." "Today, Americans face a great many challenges, and I hear your desperate calls for barely measurable and largely symbolic improvements in the status quo," said Obama, who vowed never to waver in his fight for every last infinitesimal nudge forward on the controversial issues of torture and the military ban on homosexuals. "Remember: Yes we can, if by that you mean tiptoeing around potentially unpopular decisions that could alienate a large segment of the populace." Washington insiders said that, while the new mottoes are certainly in keeping with Obama's pledge of government transparency, they are significantly less catchy.





The remote control is all yours, all the time. And you don't have to worry about anyone else making fun of you because it's switched to Lifetime or hours of NASCAR coverage.


You get to indulge all of your interests, no matter how bizarre, without negotiating. That means you can hole up with piles of true-crime books or drive an hour for the fairy exhibit at a nearby museum without ever having to explain yourself.


You never, ever have to look over your shoulder before drinking straight from the milk carton. In fact, being single means you can leave the toilet seat up, the toothpaste cap off and your dirty undies on the bathroom floor. Let your inner slob run free!


Nobody ever hogs your side of the bed, steals your covers, wakes you up with freezer-toes or flops his or her sweaty night-bod on you. And every single night, you nod off knowing that you're in the company of someone who really loves you.