Boss: Are you homophobic?
Employee: I have an African American cousin! Of course I'm not homophobic!

Nashville, Tennessee



Supervisor to staff member: Leave me alone or I will spit my nastiness on you.

Mclean, Virginia



Coworker #1: I'm on this new diet.
Coworker #2: Oh yeah?
Coworker #1: Yeah, it's this diet where if you aren't hungry you don't eat.

Bloomington, Minnesota



Bookseller in children's department: Can I help you find anything?
Mother: Has CS Lewis written anything new lately?

Tuscaloosa, Alabama



Woman on cell: If you're going to get a vagina, you may as well get a nice one.

San Francisco, California



Hiring manager, after executives commented on physical appearance of new employee: I'm saving you all from litigation by not paying attention to any of you.
Executive one: No, you're not, "ugly" is not a protected class.

Marlborough, Massachusetts



Finance manager: Every time an e-mail outage occurs I'm working on something, and I have to start over. I need you to let me know an hour or so ahead of time next time the system is going to crash.
IT guy: Ummmmm...

Auburn, Indiana



Woman at table with large group: We had so much fun on vacation with the kids.
Man next to her: Wouldn't it have been more fun without the kids?
Woman: What? Why, don't you like kids?
Man: Nah, not really. I've never liked kids. I don't know how pedophiles do it.

Restaurant
Detroit, Michigan



Student #1: What's Joe's last name?
Student #2: Joe who?

Upstate New York



Boss: You sent me that attachment on e-mail but I need the paper version.
Underling: So print out the attachment.

Redmond, Washington



Drafting dork: Hey, do you have any binder clips?
Female coworker: Why?
Drafting dork: I want to clip them to my nipples.

Boca Raton, Florida



Assistant: I'm going to Starbucks; can I get you anything?
IT tech: What's Starbucks?

Lawrence, Kansas



Boss: How do you spell "Matthew"?
Receptionist: Ask Matt, he might know.

Vancouver, Canada



Guard to woman, as metal detector beeps at her: Please step over here, ma'am.
Woman: I don't carry sharp objects on me...except my wit.
Guard: Please.

LAX Security Check-In
Los Angeles, California



Wife, reading advertisement: What is an erotic petting zoo?
Husband: A what?
Wife, louder: An erotic petting zoo!
Husband, looking: That says "exotic" petting zoo.
Wife: Oh, well...that makes more sense.

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee



Server #1 : So...yeah, I'm going on a cruise to Hawaii.
Server #2: Oh, wow, where are you leaving from?
Server #1: Florida.
Server #2: That's a really long cruise.
Server #1: No, it's not! They're practically right next to each other!

Twinsburg, Ohio



Worker: So, what did the phone company says about the phone line?
Boss: I don't know. The robot picked up the phone! I hate talking to a robot, so I hung up.

Greenwich Village
Manhattan, New York



Woman #1: I want a boy! How do I make a boy?
Woman #2: Like a baby?
Woman #1: Yeah, like a baby boy.
Woman #3: Well, my cousin did it! There's one way to get a girl, and another way to make a boy. I can ask him if you want.

Manhattan, New York



Middle-aged woman: How many years are in a decade? Isn't it eight? Or nine? Or something?

Oshawa, Ontario, Canada



Oblivious coworker: Yeah, those Australians are always doing that crazy stuff.
Coworker: They wrestle kangaroos, too.
Oblivious coworker: Wait! Are kangaroos real?

Chicago, Illinois



Young receptionist: I keep finding cat scratches all over me!
Female accounts: Do you even have a cat?
Young receptionist: Yeah, I had to wash him.
Female accounts: Why in the hell would you wash a cat, they're self-cleaning!

Croydon Road
Australia